How to Become an Alpha Male By: Jay Adonis

Lesson 1: Getting It

I guess I'd have to say the number one thing all alpha males have and they have it in spades, is that they look like they're getting it. Now, I'll discuss later whether in fact this has anything to do with whether they actually ARE getting it, but that happens to be secondary to LOOKING like you are getting it. So if you are ever hope to climb up the ladder of the Greek alphabet to Alphadom, all the way from the sad, overpopulated backwaters of Omegaland -- you have to start looking like you are getting it. And what does that mean? Well, let's start with Pierce Brosnan, or any actor who ever played James Bond, in fact. Guys who look like they are getting it actually look a little post-coital -- hair a little messy, eyes a little tired. They look rather casual about it, even disinterested -- which is why they DO get it -- because they don't look like they're begging for it. And women always go for that -- it's the guy who looks like he doesn't care much if he gets it or not and also looks like he can get it whenever and whereever he wants, that gets you all stirred up -- he's a bit arrogant, he makes you slow down and take a second look. You think, "Well, who the hell does he think he is?" And once a woman's thought that, well, guys you are most decidedly in the driver’s seat. She's going to have that burning need to find out about you. So think of Bond again. He looks like he's got something better to do -- save the world, hang from a helicopter by one shoe lace, use his remote-control BMW to flatten terrorists -- and since he looks like he really doesn't have time for it, he actually manages to LOOK like he's getting it big time -- and in fact, he DOES get it, whenever he wants. Get it?

Lesson 2: Giving It

Okay, I have a theory about Bill Clinton. Let me say first off, I don't know him, haven't met him and really don't know too much more than what I may or may not have read in the papers about him. Except, I do know several people who've met him and there is something striking about all the descriptions I've heard of him. Almost all these recollections talk about one thing first -- and it's not sex. They talk about an essential Alpha Male quality -- he's got incredible energy -- and he knows how to give it to others. He's incredibly fun, engaging, energetic, smart as shit and gives as good as he gets. So here's Lesson Two -- if you really want to be an Alpha Male, you've got to give. You've got to give people pleasure, give people a reason to be near you, give guys a reason to wish they were you, give women a desire to have you, you've got to give and give and give. And as for giving good head, any Alpha Male worth their salt knows they have to get down on their knees now and then, and give another superior Alpha Male -- whether from a larger territory than their own, or simply an Alpha Male Emeritus, or an Alpha Male who dominates another discipline -- well, they have to give them their due, so to speak. Sometimes you're asking for it, but sometimes you've got to be willing to just give it. Don't be shy. You're the guy. You're the man. Just Do It.

Lesson 3: Confidence Game

After taking a few days off to collect my thoughts and try to pick out the next most important subject, I've hit on the subject of confidence. If there is one thing they have in spades, it's sheer, unmitigated, unflappable, nearly arrogant, but simply deliciously masculine Confidence. And they know how to use it. And they know it works. And they know it is an incredible turn-on. A new friend on email mentioned how many salesmen are Alpha Males and this got me thinking as well. Something they teach you in sales is to "assume the sale." This is especially important with women. Assume she wants to kiss you. Assume she wants to fuck you. Assume you will eventually wear down her high morals and you will get her into bed one of these days. Good salesmen assume the sale. They don't have time to doubt their success. They have rock hard confidence. My emailer complained that many of them are so arrogant that surely this did not attract women, but rather women found it repulsive. Well, yes, some are just too full of themselves, but even those win more often than they lose. Confidence is very attractive. It's even amusing. It makes you grin to watch some of these guys. Here's how the really good ones operate. Like all true artists they know that nothing is as successful as mixing extremes. They mix up the big boy slightly-arrogant confidence with surprising bursts of charming little boy shyness and "whoops, I blew it" contriteness. This gets the girl every time, though I think it mostly works because it leaves women completely confused and disarmed. Once you get a woman that off balance, if you have confidence and have assumed the sale all along, you make short work of your prey. Being confident is incredibly sexy. Being confident is incredibly powerful. Being confident is essentially "efficient" -- it just makes everyone go along with you and saves you time. Don't bother spending a minute doubting yourself. What the hell is that about? There are enough enemies, critics, naysayers and pessimists all around you to take care of doubting you. Why the hell would you waste time doubting YOU TOO? Again, I preach to the converted. You guys know this. The world is a pretty frightening place. Somehow or other, we get up in the morning believing we can manage to make it through the day. These days there's ample evidence against that notion. This is what's wonderful about men -- they challenge this world view with sheer testosterone and after-shave. They have courage. They have balls. They straighten their ties and get on with it. What Alpha Males know is that everyone needs to feel confidence and that it begins with them. They know their confidence is a gift. They share it with others. It makes it a much better world to live in. It's a confidence game.

Lesson 4: Alpha Males Have Things

I have an argument with my 7-year-old godson nearly every time I babysit him, without fail, at about 3 minutes before the bus is about to arrive and we have tear out of the house. He's dressed, he has his coat on, he has his backpack full of everything I figure he needs for the day. But no. We stop dead in our tracks with NO TIME to waste,he insists he must take something to school to "share." This sharing routine is about to kill me. We miss the bus over it on a regular basis. Or we have screaming matches for all the neighbors to hear as we rush to catch the bus, him dragging a heavy yellow metal bulldozer to take to school I beg him, "please, if you need to take something to school to share, put it in your bag first thing in the morning, or even better, how about the night before?" That never happens. So there is something absolutely drop-dead important about having a thing to take to school. "Sharing" has replaced "Show and Tell" and I miss what the heck the nuance of language is about, but it's some wacky political correctness to keep the kids from "Showing Off and Telling" I think. The point is, even at seven years old, my godson has figured out a basic rule of Alpha Male hood -- Alpha Males Have Things. They have cool things to show to girls. They have Hot Wheels, or candy bars, or GI Joes or Pokemon cards they drag around with them to show girls. Later when they grow up, the Hot Wheels turn into real wheels, the candy bars are dinner at a fancy restaurant in town and the GI Joes and Pokemon cards are any variety of cool things women want to look at, including beach houses on the Cape, trophy’s from tennis games, moose heads in cabins, or even your classic girl-getter, etchings. They have things and know how to say, "Hey, you've got to come over and see my _______. (fill in the blank with WHATEVER! ) The ancient joke about "would you like to come up and see my etchings" is based on this fact. It's always good to have things to show girls. If you can lure them into your room, apartment, house, mansion, castle or cave to look at something -- guess what -- they are standing there next to you looking at something. With any luck and a little sleight of hand, you can get them to stop looking at the thing you invited them to look at and LOOK AT YOU. And then, if they look at you and they like what they see, and you have any shred of Alpha Male instinct, and some good Brazilian background music by Joao Gilberto, or Barry White will do as well, you might actually get them to look at a thing that you have, that they don't have. They may tell you otherwise, but most of them want to look at your thing. So I always think of some early Alpha Male caveman trying to come up with some THING to show his Wilma Flintstone counterpart. He probably tried a lot of things that didn't work, like a tuft of grass -- boring, boring, boring -- or some water. A little more interesting but no great shakes. So then, at his wit's end, he looks over and she's at the door of the cave watching Eohippus gallop by (the dawn horse, of course) and he thinks, "Well, shit! Here I am showing her a handful of water and she wants to look that pathetic Eohippus. How the hell am I supposed to get her over here to stand next me, so I can smell her and she can smell me, and then we can fuck, when all she wants to do is look at that stupid animal?!" It hits him out of the blue and he grabs some old charcoal from last night’s meat roasting fire and draws a pretty lousy picture of a running horse on the cave wall. And then he's got a pointy stick to show her -- now that's a cool thing -- and a picture. Now he's getting somewhere. And she comes over to see the thing he made. And she likes it and likes the fact that he noticed she was watching the horse out the cave door and understood that he could please her by drawing the horse for her. Maybe, she reasons, as cavewomen were rather savvy I must say, maybe he could please me in other ways. Hell, she thinks, maybe he'd show me that other thing of his. So she stops looking at his etching and turns to look at him ... (and get ready kids, since the two of them are about to start history as we know it).. And she smiles at him and one thing leads to another.

More lessons to come……join this blog if you want to become that ever elusive guy that women want around!

The background on the She-Devil post. Yes, you get to take a peek into my life...

I'm usually not one for giving those who are unfamiliar with my situation as a whole, insight as to my private affairs, especially those concerning women. I am a die-hard believer in not kissing and telling, out of respect for yourself but more importantly, so that the other party doesn't get offended and the kissing continues. If you've ever had a significant other find out you were sharing stories or photos of your bedroom escapades, you can relate to the importance of this unspoken law. But I understand that many of you might be confused as to why the She-Devil post found it's way onto this blog site.  As most of you are aware, amongst the material covered is the uber-crucial (crucial if you hope to have a son to carry on your name one day) topic of women.

I don't believe however, that most articles or forums cover the types of women that men encounter. In a step to alter that I decided to reference a personal experience that I have been wrestling with for awhile. Until I recently decided to settle down, I have for most of my life been a bachelor. Content in all aspects, (lets fix that) most aspects of the lifestyle that a single man making his way through the journey that is life can be afforded. Most of the women I have encountered have quite easily fed into my desires, thoughts, and ideas with enough persuasion.  Little did I know this was to change with the introduction of a certain lady in my life.  Although not a model of sweet innocence, she in her bold and direct approach to my ughh... What's the word? Hmmm... Oh yeah, bullshit. Taught me more about myself in one conversation than I've learned  or have readily admitted to myself in living 22 splendid years of life.

In a dash of speed and a burst of light, my adult dating life made sense, because for the most part I've treaded my relationships as a fawn would a slaughterhouse. I realized that in fear of having my heartbroken, I was in the bad business of breaking the hearts of others. This of course was never my intention, but we all know the "road to hell..." and yada yada. Although I did care, I led these girls on, and they clung to the hope that "they" might be able to change me or my mind, a great miscalculation. Hope is simultaneously the tragic flaw and greatest strength of the human race. We cannot ignore it because it is the source of some of our greatest achievements, and in doing so would only leave us in a perpetually dark state emotionally. I played on this and have dealt in the very unfortunate business of leaving a trail of bitter women. I tried unsuccessfully to sway her in the way most of my worldly charms have been known. A complete and utter waste of time, hers more so than mine.

She left me in a stupor and it made me want her more. I fought and fought refuting all her claims and trying to convince her of the strength of my emotion when I in fact, was trying to convince myself. Later, in retrospect, I found that I did care for her, but not truly, at least in the way I conveyed. Men, this is a woman who is reminiscent of the lioness, she does and speaks of her own accord and there is a silent dependency there from the alpha male, in addition to a silent respect. After all she is the backbone of the pride, no? It was an awakening of sorts, I treasure this particular woman now, more than I ever have. It is my silent wish that we may one day enjoy each others company, but until then, the trail of broken hearts will cease.

Keeping up with trends... Oh Brother!

Now it would only make sense that as a male blogging about fashion and such, I'd have a post dedicated to discussing trends. Not. I despise the word, and I shutter to think of how it is so carelessly tossed around in the circles of discussion by men in the know. This is because the word "trend" as defined by my personal favorite, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is " to extend in a general direction : follow a general course".  This is not fully clear as we are talking about a trend as it relates to fashion and style.  The word "trend" in this instance then, is used to describe a short-lived dalliance with a particular piece, fabric, or design of clothing currently popular. And most infuriating of all, is the atrocious gall of those at the spearheads of these campaigns. 

You see at one time or another we all can attest to having laid at the feet of the fashion police, our hideous choice in garments.  Usually we shall find that the source of our offense was the "trend" at that time.  Remember the baggy linen suits, japanese fantasy shirts, and ughhh crocs? I'm sorry I felt the need to recall those items to memory, but this memory/ies are crucial in pushing the "nuke" button on trends. I feel trends serve as at times fashionably safe but more oft than not ridiculous guidelines for the mindless drones of the world. I don't care what ANYONE says, you do not look good in either shirts so baggy they could pass for skimpy dresses or jeans so tight they belong on your youngest sister's unborn baby.

Now the difference between fashion trends and style is that fashion trends are forever changing and evolving to suit the immediate needs of the masses. Style my good men, is timeless.  Style is why George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Morris Chestnut, and Shemar Moore will be forever remembered.  Fashion trends are what keep you and your buddy in the stores shopping mindlessly, under the illusion you have taste, when in fact you are playing into the mannequin illness (Mannequin illness - dressing yourself from head to toe in a particular label.  Old navy, Express, Aeropostale, etc.). Now it is understandable... Actually, scratch that. No it is not. What isn't? I'll tell you what isn't! Adorning your favorite brand shamelessly all over your person. Yes, it is easier for women, since they have so many designers and styles to choose from. But as with most everything, your options increase as your knowledge does.

Can you tell which you should avoid... C'mon... You can do it!

In short? ABORT trends... ABORT, ABORT, ABORT! It is not about trends, but style. That is the aim. A navy cardigan will NEVER go out of style, at least until the British are... Well they aren't going anywhere, sooo... Yeah. Stay with pieces that are not only a compliment to your robust, round, stickly, or solid frame but also a compliment to classic style. The type of style that jumps out at you in an advertisement for Nautica or JCrew. Don't become a clone, choose to be a prototype.  If you are ever lost as to what to look for and where to look, do what I do, READ. There is plenty of great material out there that can lead you on the path to cotton, wool, cashmere, and denim redemption. Sure the task of sorting through that material can be tedious and trying, but hey beauty is pain. In this case, just be happy the pain is in doing a little research and  not in the form of 6 inch stillettos.

Till next brothers and sisters,

Cheers

*Just for fun* She-Devil

I want to warn or rather inform you guys out there, of a certain type of female. Now of course there are many types of women from the elegant to the wretched and everything inbetween, but THIS particular woman lies in the dark recesses that borders the two extremes. The she-devil gentleman, is how we shall title this particular female, and let me tell you she is an amazing specimen. You see, every now and again we encounter a woman who lies outside of the ordinary, she refuses to be checked by the expectations of society, and views most everything with cynical humor. She makes absolutely no sense because she not only blurs the already almost non-existent capacity men have for understanding women. But she loathes the "women" of today and their seemingly weak disposition. Her attitude is the do-it-yourself-if-you-fall get up , spit on your boo-boo, maybe rub some dirt on it, and keep it moving baby girl. Emotions? HA! Don't try and attack her on that front, or you will as sure as the sun will rise be butchered. She is no fool, not for love, not for sweet words, or for kind gestures. She is an obedient servant to her eyes, what she sees is what it is, no more, no less.

Immune to the types of passes that would make other women melt, she is a stone sculpture. A powerful symbol of what could be if and when a woman has lost all hope for the goodness in the hearts of men. Still more dangerous is her ever-changing disposition, she wants whatever she believes she wants at times that would appear as almost a calculated inconvenience, but as she wants it, so shall it be. Don't dare ask her why she'd wear black to the wedding or white to the funeral, why not? If there's anyone out there looking to become intimately acquainted with persistent migraines she is the sure path to your destination. Yet there has never in reality or myth been more elegant a creation on two legs.

Her eclectic tastes and contrasting views make her a shrewd judge in the court of life. If she says you are guilty... You are. It takes a certain kind of understanding and better still respect to wrestle someone (in this case a man) out of an abyss in which lies and illusions ran parallel to his realities . A certain kind of person who while not perfect themselves, understands that knowing your true self and all its imperfections, is as close to perfection as you can ever hope to get. So make a toast her, and give thanks for opening your eyes that were wide shut. There's no pulling the veil along her artfully chiseled face or a shadow dim enough to blind her supreme intuition and yet still she might be the only thing standing in her own way.

As she trusts no one, she cannot trust herself absolutely. Because her resolve is heavily aimed at major issues she lacks the refined characteristics crucial in addressing the more miniscule details/events. And as wild and irrational as her spontaneity makes her, it would then seem the only thing capable of taming her, would be herself rendering her of little use to "us", as every now and again one must surrender to something for the sake of something else. She is the ultimate example of a jilted lover, and lost herself somewhere inbetween finding what she thought was love and actually realizing what love is. Tainted in numerous ways she is at times an unnecessary buzzkill to the beautiful workings of the heart. Then again... What could be more necessary than the she-devil? Is she not the saver of men? The retribution for us all who have left a dark scar on the breast of emotion and stomped on the still-beating heart of an affectionate lover? I once again ask what could be more necessary than a she devil? A chorus of voices should utter in unison "Nothing".

She's detrimental to the health of the weak and cowardly, and strengthens the constitution of those men who are ready to acknowledge their flaws and remove the shroud, the mask of deception worn for so long. In some grand display of contradiction she is a qualified distributor of chaotic justice. Gentemen I'll tell you, if I had to go out of this world, and was called to the pearly gates, as untimely as it may be, she'd be my poison of choice. Every breath she breathes induces an intoxication likened to the strongest liquor. She is the only wine and spirit you'll ever need, her purpose? Not to numb you to life as most liqours do but to magnify your passion for it.

Cheers

"MAN" IN TRANSITION

You cannot even imagine the ways in which we hinder our personal growth. The different processes of the world have culminated in what we now call society, each part contributing to works of advancement per our future. As would be expected we've had to change and adapt, conform at times against our will and better judgement, to what seemed or at least was said to be in our best interest.

Times were simple before a period of immense discovery vaulted us into a new frame of mind. One that didn't necessarily dismiss the ways of old, but fails to acknowledge the foundation those principles set, foundations upon which we have steadily built ourselves and communities upon. In kind of a soft dismissal, this generation rarely sets aside the time and energy to really reflect and understand what these core values and beliefs are responsible for,  in relation to us as individuals and together as a people.

Once upon a time ago, it was easy to be a man. Then we were B+*!? slapped with a flood of absolute bullshit, and the process became convoluted. We spend time on endeavors that satisfy temporary urges, and overlook the minor details that make life so wonderful. A man, to be a man, what does that mean to you good sirs? You pay your own bills? Out of your mom's house? Are completely independent? Or do you fall into the sad category of men to which their link to manhood is the direct extension of how many lass' have fallen victim to their jaded insecurities? Alas we can only recline in a steady discomfort like one who calmly accepts something bad will happen aka shit's about to go down. We silently accept the prostitution of our morals and still yet our souls to the wealthy patron that is instant gratification.

What has happened to the idea that the journey/process was actually more enjoyable than the outcome/destination. I sorely miss the times when quickies were more a matter of convenience and not the norm. How about taking some of your free time and investing it into something you enjoyed, maybe refine a skill, or even develop a new skill set. When after you had a charming conversation with a woman, you kissed her hand and thanked her for her time leaving her speechless. What about when your job wasn't just your job or a means to support yourself, what about when it was your purpose. I'm talking as a journalist as soon as you laid your hand to write that article or as an accountant to crunch those numbers you knew there was nothing else you would rather do.

In a quest to better society we are worse off, the victims of a gamble that didn't pay off. Men loosen your ties, and breathe. Re-evaluate your lives if you are dating make sure the women you are dating understand you aren't exclusively dating them. When you say something mean it and see it through. Go skinny dipping in the community pool at 2 am >insert legal disclaimer here< Set yourself apart from the drones. Of course this is just my opinion, there is now powerpoint presentation or bar graph with statistics to prove what I'm saying will set you slaves free from your mental imprisonment. The proof, the sum of all I say will be evident to you the day you break your bonds and decide to start living... Truly LIVING. I tip my hat to the past, sure we have improved upon some views but most run true like the colors of a flag. Learn to accept that's the way great grandpappy did it, grandpappy did it, daddy did it, and you should do it.

INSIGHT

I'd like to take the opportunity at this time to write regarding the idea of, and the difference between a player (aka a womanizer) and a playboy. Because there IS a difference. First and foremost for those of you looking to use the knowledge and tips you've acquired to increase your body count, kindly remove yourself from this page and add yourself to the all too bountiful ranks of loser-assholes. "That" I repeat "THAT IS NOT THE PURPOSE" of these columns. There are way too many of us walking around considering ourselves pimps, and why?  All because Kristie and Sheila didn't find out about each other. You're wrong. What is done in darkness shall always come to light and the only one you are misleading, is yourself. Quit the shenanigans fellas we are grown, or supposed to be (if you aren't fake it, the ladies are pretty good at that). Yes the allure of sleeping with many women carries seemingly positive perks in relation to how you're received by your fellow male audience. This however, is a farce, you owe it to yourself to exceed the expectations of what "we" as men consider the norm.

If you are of the very few men who know and understand they are always at least 3 steps behind a female, take your dominant hand, and pat yourself on the back. Women are the sharper sex among any number of species, and the only time they make mistakes is when their natural intuition is overshadowed by the calling of their much stronger emotional/maternal instincts. The purpose of life as relative to us and life itself, is to reproduce that's why you have your man-parts and she has her woman-parts, yet only the strong survive and as a result women thousands of years ago sought the strongest male of the group for a partner. If you break it down in the most basic format, look at most animals, the only time the male ever interacts with the female exclusively is to reproduce. Other than that everyone plays their role in the much greater web of things. Thankfully we know better and are aware women have a lot to offer emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. But do you appreciate that? Thousands of years they've been fighting off advances from unworthy males, that's a lot of practice gentlemen. I assure you as soon as you approach a woman at the bar she can smell the stench of your ulterior motive and it offends all of her sensibility. We are products of a society that has made sex a mass marketing tool, but to suit whom? Men obviously. Two women playing tonsil hockey and "yeah's!!!" Are heard all around the room but ask a group of women if two guys kissing is attractive... Yeah. Exactly. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but you'll find this one to almost always run true to form. 

Fast forward to 2010 you see a gorgeous woman and approach her, this instinctively fine tuned several thousand year old expert sorter of deserving suitors, with what plan of action? To compliment her physically on something(s) she could readily give to any other man of her choosing? A terrible mistake as women usually associate the target of your compliment/comment with what you want from and/or how you perceive her. Granted you don't approach her because her personality shines through the back of her dress but the try to find something that separates you from the rest. A woman's appearance is obviously where the attraction begins but the goal is to find out if her personality is as well rounded as her curves. Believe you me, a beautiful girl with a shallow personality is a burden that only one person is trained to deal with... A priest. 

My uncle told me a long time ago that "The true mark of a ladies man, is not how many women he can get, but how many he can turn down." Likewise my mother always taught me to "Leave every place a little better than you found it." This is what we as men miss. A so called "player" is in it for a good time not a long one and as a result his pursuit is empty. He wakes up next to a body feeling no better than the night before and is often soon in search of another in order to appease his insecurities. No confident man would disrespect a woman. A player therefore has no care for her feelings and thoughts and sees her as an object. His interests only go as far as what is inbetween her thighs. He is therefore a hater of woman, he logically carries disdain for the same item that is not only in all probability the source of his insecurity but in an ironic turn of events his escape from it. A playboy on the other hand is a lover of all things venus, not necessarily agreeing with everything but accepting it. He is patient and understanding of every emotional outburst, unnecessary "I love you" call, inconveniently imposed crunches on time, etc. He appreciates the female condition and see's them as the necessary part of an amazingly intricate equation.


"We never really know who we are until we've found someone we truly care for..." This then would hint that in order to know yourself and full potential absolutely, you need a woman. Most importantly, no woman, granted it was within your power and within reason (despite you not being together) should leave an encounter with you feeling jilted or deceived. Really try to set a higher bar and standard, and you'll see that your endeavors as a playboy, until you are fully ready to commit will be rewarded.

Till we meet again,

Cheers

What is attractive to a woman... Personal traits and appearance

Hello again all,

Funnily enough it has been my experience in observing at times much to my viewing pleasure the failed attempts men make at attracting women. From ridiculously pathetic methods that range from the outlandish to the completely unimaginable. One of the methods I enjoy watching and making fun of the most is the so called "peacock method" or "peacocking". This is a term meant to describe men who would rather attract women with various accessories, extremely bright colors, and unnecessary trinkets rather than on the merit of his prowess, wit, and presentation. Cowardly, is how best to describe it. Why hide your true self behind items that hold no relation to your lifestyle, life experiences, or you as a person? After all once you get past the early phases of dating in order to keep her around for the long haul, she has to care for you as you are and for what you are.

Fellas the rules are simple, and have stood the test of time as true as any other law we live by today. Best put by ZZ-Top , "Every woman's crazy about a sharp-dressed man..." First to dispell a terrible myth. It has been my fortunate and equally unfortunate lot in life to dress well. Born and raised for most of my life in Brooklyn, NY on Farragut Rd one of the rougher spots in that borough. The influence was there to adopt the fashion culture, luckily I had a mother who knew better, and rather than Pepe jeans sagging of my hindparts and a baggy Fubu hoody I was clothed in collared shirts corduroys and polished shoes. And so formed my relatively stable and fashionably sound vision of style. Occasionally I deviated in my teenage years, and dabbled in various clothing choices to better familiarize myself with what was out there in relation to what was comfortable to me and relevant to my style.

I did the draped in Abercrombie from head to toe and sandals year round look. I flirted with the express graphic tees, distressed jeans, converses, eye contacts, and multiple ear piercings. And finally a brief affair with the artsy rocker who basically lived inside urban outfitters' bdg skinny jeans, and v necks, with the combination of vans and ear gauges adding the finishing touches. Having traversed through so many phases, I have found that jeans so tight they pass for women's jeggings and looking like a black guido was not who I was or am. Nor is it essentially what any of us are.

How is this relevant Valentino? I'll tell you. Men who dress well are constantly mistaken as homosexual or metrosexual. A grave mistake. And so follows the stigma among men associated with dressing well and caring for yourself. You know, he knows, they know, and we all know and are all too familiar with this bad rap. What does it say that a well-dressed straight man is considered gay by a woman, who is basically saying you're too well put together to be straight? It is a sad sad statement for the deplorable condition in which men keep themselves nowadays. Now if you want to attract Sally Joe and you know for a fact the hard working worn clothes and dirt under your nails look turns her on then go for it. Likewise if Shanae digs the newest jordans and moschino shirt with fake jewelry go ahead and deck yourself out brotha man. But for all of us who know better (aka have common sense) this is a non-negotiable rule. You MUST improve your wardrobe and your personal care regimen.

Dressing better doesn't mean you need to wear a suit and tie 24/7 but to wear clothes in line with your style and polish it up a bit. For example, trade in the horrendously tacky ed hardy brand shirt with the rhinestones that make you look like a 17 year old girl and go classic with a navy, grey, yellow, orange, etc (depending on the season brighter colors in the warmer months) polo and stylish khakis that are slim in the leg. Dress how you want to feel gentleman. You can even do sneakers but make sure they are timeless pieces such as the adidas samba or converse by ed purcell. Guaranteed to be cheaper than the new lebrons or jordans and in all likelihood a better investment. Mix and match different things to suit your personal style. If you're adventurous try scarves or other accessories in moderation. One necklace, a nice watch, etc or maybe a simple brown leather cuff around the wrist and a simple ring. The idea is NOT to look like a mode who just stepped off of a page in GQ or Esquire, because in all probability you will fail but most importantly that isn't who you are. Stay true to your style but refine it and you'll be pleasantly surprised how well received it is and you are.

On the ever sensitive subject of personal care guys, clip your nails and toe nails. The irony in men who berate women for their eagle talon like toe nails, only to find they themselves have toes that look as if they've been scratching blackboards their entire life is hilarious. Be what/who you want to get. I'm not saying a mani/pedi but damn take some pride in your feet. SHAVE SHAVE SHAVE!!! Now facial hair is an issue of personal preference, but everywhere else you should shave If so inclined or at least trim. As a youngster my grandmother enforced shaving my underarms and such as she told me hair holds sweat and therefore certain unattractive odors. So I go all out. Not that you have to but it is also a courtesy issue. I've never had a girl come up with a mouth full of hair and or called me a b*#+! in a rage because she felt shaving took away from my masculinity. If you are hairy and you wear it with Hasselhoff pride, go ahead and flaunt your lion's mane.

Just make sure you carefully trim and maintain the grounds. Iron your clothes unless there is no need. Sloppiness is not attractive in any forum. Women are extremely keyed into details. I promise you if there is anything amiss about your appearance she will dial into it. As we all are not perfect creatures you have to chalk up whatever she does find as a loss, but the idea is to make her job more difficult. Presentation is key, project yourself how you'd like to be perceived. But also allow your personality in its wonderous glory to show through. If you're particularly confident or funny play to those qualities. As far as personality traits and characteristics go, she's giving you the time of day because something(s) about you garnered her attention. This is realistically a trial and error deal as all women have different tastes for men of all walks of life. And most of us will never successfully display character traits that are appealing universally, simply because there really is no such thing. Do whatever it is you do best and adjust what doesn't work. You should however adhere to one rule... Appear always, confident in what you are doing and saying... It is easier to enter into an action boldly and with purpose as direction is very attractive to women who inertly seek men to take the reign in most settings.

Do not be afraid to clean up, Jesus guys put on that dress shirt, those dark wash jeans, a pair of loafers, and matching toned belt. Hold your head high and be proud to be among the army of well dressed, well versed, and pleasantly polished individuals of the world.